Tomorrow, I will say good bye to the full time mom that I was for a good 2 months...as I will start work again.
If we can only afford, I would choose not to work and focus on Ira baby... but of course I can not.
It was a good two months of all emotions topped by love. I am overwhelmed with happiness in my heart everytime Ira would laugh at me, smile, communicate with her coos and woos and pursed lips. I will always look forward now to the end of my day at work.
On a different note, we said goodbye to mommy Se yesterday. It was a sad day specifically wishing that the end of her story could have been better which she deserved having worked so hard in her years... :-(
I pray that she find her way to Salvation.
Linggo, Disyembre 4, 2011
Linggo, Nobyembre 20, 2011
2 months
My litte girl is growing fast. Today, she is now 2 months old.
Time flies real fast indeed.
Had I not filed vacation leaves.. I would be at work tomorrow.. I am not ready yet.. not yet.. I want to savor my time with my little one.
If only I am able to afford it. I would stay at home and be with her and focus on her all throughout her formative years. But I can not afford to do so. Maybe, someday.
Ira's celebrated her first Malate fiesta. Relatives were all over and flocked to my little house.
I have been busy prepping up for the baptism. If I can just afford to, I would blow all my money on her baptism. And because I can not, have looked for good deals here and there.
Every so often Ken and I still find ourselves in each other's throat. Sometimes I go crazy.. it is, I realize, the lack of financial stability of our new family. It will remain that way until he finds a job.. so I have to deal with it and accept that way avoiding rows and encounters. I wish he finds a job soon. Or he gets the Australian job. Or another job.. and not focus on the Canada thing... haayyyy
2 months and counting for my baby girl. Thank you Lord for keeping her safe and healthy.
Time flies real fast indeed.
Had I not filed vacation leaves.. I would be at work tomorrow.. I am not ready yet.. not yet.. I want to savor my time with my little one.
If only I am able to afford it. I would stay at home and be with her and focus on her all throughout her formative years. But I can not afford to do so. Maybe, someday.
Ira's celebrated her first Malate fiesta. Relatives were all over and flocked to my little house.
I have been busy prepping up for the baptism. If I can just afford to, I would blow all my money on her baptism. And because I can not, have looked for good deals here and there.
Every so often Ken and I still find ourselves in each other's throat. Sometimes I go crazy.. it is, I realize, the lack of financial stability of our new family. It will remain that way until he finds a job.. so I have to deal with it and accept that way avoiding rows and encounters. I wish he finds a job soon. Or he gets the Australian job. Or another job.. and not focus on the Canada thing... haayyyy
2 months and counting for my baby girl. Thank you Lord for keeping her safe and healthy.
Linggo, Nobyembre 6, 2011
Back to work
I would be heading back to work soon.
I used to be unable to imagine myself not working.
Now, I can no longer imagine myself going to work and leaving Ira. When I try to picture how it will be, it is all blank. Then I have to.. and I know I will.
Right now, being a stay at home mom is impossible - financially. Maybe.. maybe.... when Ken finds a better employment abroad - when he returns to Canada or some place else. Maybe that will make it easier for me to be a stay at home mom to be with Ira and be financially comfortable.
We are almost through with the hard part. Ken has his sideline now.. blessing... thank you fiscal.. thank you Lord! and I soon will be back to work, get paid and receive reimbursables.
Ken has been stretching day and night and have been getting only 3-4 hours of sleep on the average since i gave birth. I have been getting more sleep now - he doesn't wake me up even when he is super sleepy already and just allows me to sleep. I feel guilty when I wake up.
I have been busy planning Ira's baptismal. Thank goodness for the connected world now, I can all do it online. Planning planning planning... I am torn... to go all out or not. So I hope to be able to achieve the median.
People say that the 1st better should be more extravagant than the binyag, I believe otherwise. Maybe for Ira's first, we will just have it at Shakeys or something. Good times coming!
We will talk later to Ate Baby, we will have to eventually entrust her with Ira. We will flesh out the details later.
Anthony's finally realized that what he did to Aljon was wrong..so all's good.
Life is good!
I used to be unable to imagine myself not working.
Now, I can no longer imagine myself going to work and leaving Ira. When I try to picture how it will be, it is all blank. Then I have to.. and I know I will.
Right now, being a stay at home mom is impossible - financially. Maybe.. maybe.... when Ken finds a better employment abroad - when he returns to Canada or some place else. Maybe that will make it easier for me to be a stay at home mom to be with Ira and be financially comfortable.
We are almost through with the hard part. Ken has his sideline now.. blessing... thank you fiscal.. thank you Lord! and I soon will be back to work, get paid and receive reimbursables.
Ken has been stretching day and night and have been getting only 3-4 hours of sleep on the average since i gave birth. I have been getting more sleep now - he doesn't wake me up even when he is super sleepy already and just allows me to sleep. I feel guilty when I wake up.
I have been busy planning Ira's baptismal. Thank goodness for the connected world now, I can all do it online. Planning planning planning... I am torn... to go all out or not. So I hope to be able to achieve the median.
People say that the 1st better should be more extravagant than the binyag, I believe otherwise. Maybe for Ira's first, we will just have it at Shakeys or something. Good times coming!
We will talk later to Ate Baby, we will have to eventually entrust her with Ira. We will flesh out the details later.
Anthony's finally realized that what he did to Aljon was wrong..so all's good.
Life is good!
Sabado, Oktubre 15, 2011
Rough Patch
Ken and I had a rough patch earlier. This was the first in many months.
We had arguments and disagreements in the past but never been this explosive since before I got pregnant.
I realized that part of making things easier for me as I was going through my pregnancy is avoiding having rows with me - which I appreciate, looking back.
Our episode earlier of course as usual is a verbal clash with me crying while fighting back. It was unfortunate to think that this is Ira's first experience of parental clash - too early, too soon.
As always, Ken, na napakabait, reached out to me first and made peace by buying me food and by starting to talk to me and bringing Ira to me. I was ready for cold war...thinking about how I was make me so much feel like a bad bad bad person!
I know there will be so much more of these rough patches to encounter so documenting this will help make me realize how lucky I am to have a partner like Ken, who in trying times is always first to bring the two of us together and be one again.
More will come, especially that we are just starting getting used to the new family life, without getting any help from family or anyone. I pray that we will come out of this strong. Lord help Ken and I, make us strong right now that we are tired and confused, be with us, so that we can raise our Ira well, I ask for the intercession of Mama Mary and pray through your son Jesus Christ our Lord Amen.
We had arguments and disagreements in the past but never been this explosive since before I got pregnant.
I realized that part of making things easier for me as I was going through my pregnancy is avoiding having rows with me - which I appreciate, looking back.
Our episode earlier of course as usual is a verbal clash with me crying while fighting back. It was unfortunate to think that this is Ira's first experience of parental clash - too early, too soon.
As always, Ken, na napakabait, reached out to me first and made peace by buying me food and by starting to talk to me and bringing Ira to me. I was ready for cold war...thinking about how I was make me so much feel like a bad bad bad person!
I know there will be so much more of these rough patches to encounter so documenting this will help make me realize how lucky I am to have a partner like Ken, who in trying times is always first to bring the two of us together and be one again.
More will come, especially that we are just starting getting used to the new family life, without getting any help from family or anyone. I pray that we will come out of this strong. Lord help Ken and I, make us strong right now that we are tired and confused, be with us, so that we can raise our Ira well, I ask for the intercession of Mama Mary and pray through your son Jesus Christ our Lord Amen.
Sabado, Oktubre 1, 2011
Hungry Bird
Ira is growing up real fast. She is now what we call a hungry bird.. she can down 90 ML of formula milk in one drinking before she stops showing signs that she still wants more.
I am thankful that I am able to express milk now, even if it's only 1 ML that I am able to give Ira for every time I would spend 1 hour expressing, I am happy. I know the benefits of breastmilk and I am glad that I am able to share the gift of breast milk to her.
Ken is as tired as ever. I feel tired too. I don't know what to do sometimes that I think I want to sleep but I can't because we need to keep an eye on the baby and balance it with the chores. We really need to get household help, if not to watch the baby then atleast take care of the laundry, cleaning the house and cooking for us. For now, I am just proud of Ken and I because we are able to survive, shows the team work that we have is just phenomenal!
I am learning motherhood a day at a time, been reading blogs and web pages regarding babies... so I won't have to go through the panic that I felt when she spit milk and choked a little and her lips turned bluish. I almost died worrying! Good thing Ken is a pillar, came rushing back home to check on us. I realized that this happened every so often and now I know what to do if and when it happens again.
Though I have read on line that there is nothing wrong if you make your baby fall asleep in your arms the whole time everyone tells it not recommended because the baby gets used to it..I think Ira has fallen into that pattern. I liked it though, it makes us bond. I know one day I will no longer be able to hold my little girl that way so I would do it for as long as I can.
I am thankful that I am able to express milk now, even if it's only 1 ML that I am able to give Ira for every time I would spend 1 hour expressing, I am happy. I know the benefits of breastmilk and I am glad that I am able to share the gift of breast milk to her.
Ken is as tired as ever. I feel tired too. I don't know what to do sometimes that I think I want to sleep but I can't because we need to keep an eye on the baby and balance it with the chores. We really need to get household help, if not to watch the baby then atleast take care of the laundry, cleaning the house and cooking for us. For now, I am just proud of Ken and I because we are able to survive, shows the team work that we have is just phenomenal!
I am learning motherhood a day at a time, been reading blogs and web pages regarding babies... so I won't have to go through the panic that I felt when she spit milk and choked a little and her lips turned bluish. I almost died worrying! Good thing Ken is a pillar, came rushing back home to check on us. I realized that this happened every so often and now I know what to do if and when it happens again.
Though I have read on line that there is nothing wrong if you make your baby fall asleep in your arms the whole time everyone tells it not recommended because the baby gets used to it..I think Ira has fallen into that pattern. I liked it though, it makes us bond. I know one day I will no longer be able to hold my little girl that way so I would do it for as long as I can.
Miyerkules, Setyembre 28, 2011
Happy One Week Anak!
Yesterday marked your first week in the world outside my womb baby. How is the world outside? My feelings for you have changed so much in a week. My feelings for your father has changed so much in a week. I can no longer get my heads around the love I feel for you and your father.
Your Papa loves you so much, taking care of you, holding you, bathing you, dressing you, feeding you especially in times that I was still too weak or too scared to hold you. You are so small baby. Mama says that I was just as small as you, so one day, when you are as big as I am now, I hope that you will get to read this and feel the love that I am trying to describe that I especially your Papa have for you.
I still feel sore in places that I should feel sore in. Your Papa and I are tired especially your papa who looks after you and me...balancing the two of us perfectly and making his needs last. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I see how lucky we both are to have him. Your Papa washes you, cleans your poop, holds you when mama can't because you are so fragile little girl.
For one week, you already have brought so much love to both of us while all you do is eat and sleep, eat and poop, sleep and pee... one day anak, when you read this... and you feel that we do not love you enough, read this and believe that we love you so much..because we do. You are our little gem, our happiness, the string that will bond Ken and I forever.
Happy one week Ira! More happiness to come baby girl!
Your Papa loves you so much, taking care of you, holding you, bathing you, dressing you, feeding you especially in times that I was still too weak or too scared to hold you. You are so small baby. Mama says that I was just as small as you, so one day, when you are as big as I am now, I hope that you will get to read this and feel the love that I am trying to describe that I especially your Papa have for you.
I still feel sore in places that I should feel sore in. Your Papa and I are tired especially your papa who looks after you and me...balancing the two of us perfectly and making his needs last. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I see how lucky we both are to have him. Your Papa washes you, cleans your poop, holds you when mama can't because you are so fragile little girl.
For one week, you already have brought so much love to both of us while all you do is eat and sleep, eat and poop, sleep and pee... one day anak, when you read this... and you feel that we do not love you enough, read this and believe that we love you so much..because we do. You are our little gem, our happiness, the string that will bond Ken and I forever.
Happy one week Ira! More happiness to come baby girl!
Sabado, Setyembre 24, 2011
Realizations
I've realized that pregnancy, more than it being very physically demanding is a very emotional experience. One minute you are happy, the next minute you are close to tears or overly worried. I've realized this makes you either believe in the power of Science or the power of God or both, which was the case for me. Pregnancy made me call out to God and for all the Divine interventions I believed in. I've realized that what they say is true, it is a passage to a more responsible you... as you wait for your child to come out.
I've realized that I have a new found respect for mothers especially those that went through vaginal births, it is NOT easy. And as people has told me, it will all be worth it.. which is what I am feeling now. All the pain, the sweat and tears, and medical people over you, exposure of private parts will all vanish as soon as you see your baby.
I've realized that I am very lucky to have Ken as a partner. He is an overly protective dad to Ira, quick to come to her when she stirs or makes a sound. Seeing how he is around our little baby girls makes me emotional at times, the love he has overwhelms me. It made me realize that Ira and I will be loss without him.
I've realized that I am falling more in love with Ira each day. I build dreams each day. I fear for the loss of dreams that I have build every minute and because of this is very careful of the fragility of it.
I've realized that despite the pains and aches that I am feeling right now, I am happy.
Despite the fears and uncertainty for my little girl, I am certain and secure.
Despite all the negative thoughts, I remain positive. I should remain positive.
September 21 is the day that marks my life - the date when my little girl came out. The date when Ken and I became parents. The date when all these realizations have set in.
All these realizations will never be forgotten.
Sabado, Setyembre 17, 2011
Coming Soon
I feel that she is coming soon. I feel so much heavier. I feel that it is more difficult to walk. I feel sometimes when I stand up, there is something in between my legs. I feel excited, I feel anxious.. I feel so many other emotions, knowing that my daughter will come out and see the world very soon.
For the past 3 weeks, we have been visiting one mall after another, to buy things we still need and really, just to walk around. They say that walking will help with a normal delivery and so I did. For this weekend, I have decided to stay put, just stay at home and have less of physical exertion as I feel that if I have some more of it, Ira may come out sooner that expected. I can not let this happen just yet since I think I really still need 1 more week at work, to wrap up interviews and close out the mid year discussions among many other things.
We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and then we will know if I am dilated or not. I hope to really have a normal delivery, not only because of the differences in costs but also convenience. I had an operation last year and I rather not go through the helpless days any longer a few days after the operation. I am pretty sure the feeling will be the same if I deliver via CS. Oh well, I guess, we will go with what is best. I have been praying for help for the success of a normal childbirth but if it doesn't work, so be it.
Linggo, Setyembre 11, 2011
Pain in the Ass..literally
A few weeks from now, I am expected to deliver my first child.. Andreana Ira. I have mixed emotions - happiness, elation, the i-am-not-ready-yet-theres-so-many-things-to-do-still, and of course the..I-am-scared-our money-is-not-enough anxiety because of the possibility of medical expenses piling up. One thing is certain for sure, I can't wait for pregnancy to end, not only because I am excited to finally see our baby but because of the physical restrictions I am feeling right now.
I did not know that pregnancy will be this difficult, it's literally a pain in the ass! I can't sit too long nor can't stand too long... as it hurts my butt! I am so hungry but can not eat much and I can not wait for the dexterity issues I have in my hands get better! Oh well and the acid reflux..a killer. They say...it is all worth it...I believe them who say it.
The 3d picture alone make me want to talk to her, the little me that I have been carrying in my womb for the past 8 months. The movements, all the kicking and squirming and waves I feel within me make me want to hold her hand and play with her.. and makes me wonder what's running in her mind.
Lastly, I can not wait to see Ken shower our daughter with love. Every time he will talk to our baby in my womb, I feel warm tears welling....I have to hold it back. Everything that he does, to make pregnancy easier for me, also make me emotional. When I get up at the wee hours of the morning to empty my bladder.. he wakes up and makes sure that I do it safely. He holds my hand when we walk to make sure that every step I take is safe for both the baby and I. The water that I drink, he ensures is clean. When I lie in bed to sleep, Ken ensures that I am all tucked, tummy and feet covered, so I won't feel cold. When he massages my hand and feet so blood will circulate when I extend it to him. His effort to cook even if he doesn't know how to, so I get proper nutrition. He wipes the sweat off my back and puts baby powder on it making me feel like a little girl. He does this because he things sweat that has dried out will make me sick. Everything! I want to document everything here so Ira will see the love that I felt from her dad while I was pregnant with her and capture it for all eternity.
Sure, I say that pregnancy is a pain in the ass.. physically only. I am lucky that I have a partner who shares it with me and makes it easy.
I did not know that pregnancy will be this difficult, it's literally a pain in the ass! I can't sit too long nor can't stand too long... as it hurts my butt! I am so hungry but can not eat much and I can not wait for the dexterity issues I have in my hands get better! Oh well and the acid reflux..a killer. They say...it is all worth it...I believe them who say it.
The 3d picture alone make me want to talk to her, the little me that I have been carrying in my womb for the past 8 months. The movements, all the kicking and squirming and waves I feel within me make me want to hold her hand and play with her.. and makes me wonder what's running in her mind.
Lastly, I can not wait to see Ken shower our daughter with love. Every time he will talk to our baby in my womb, I feel warm tears welling....I have to hold it back. Everything that he does, to make pregnancy easier for me, also make me emotional. When I get up at the wee hours of the morning to empty my bladder.. he wakes up and makes sure that I do it safely. He holds my hand when we walk to make sure that every step I take is safe for both the baby and I. The water that I drink, he ensures is clean. When I lie in bed to sleep, Ken ensures that I am all tucked, tummy and feet covered, so I won't feel cold. When he massages my hand and feet so blood will circulate when I extend it to him. His effort to cook even if he doesn't know how to, so I get proper nutrition. He wipes the sweat off my back and puts baby powder on it making me feel like a little girl. He does this because he things sweat that has dried out will make me sick. Everything! I want to document everything here so Ira will see the love that I felt from her dad while I was pregnant with her and capture it for all eternity.
Sure, I say that pregnancy is a pain in the ass.. physically only. I am lucky that I have a partner who shares it with me and makes it easy.
Mag-subscribe sa:
Mga Komento (Atom)