Coming Soon

I feel that she is coming soon. I feel so much heavier. I feel that it is more difficult to walk. I feel sometimes when I stand up, there is something in between my legs. I feel excited, I feel anxious.. I feel so many other emotions, knowing that my daughter will come out and see the world very soon.

For the past 3 weeks, we have been visiting one mall after another, to buy things we still need and really, just to walk around. They say that walking will help with a normal delivery and so I did. For this weekend, I have decided to stay put, just stay at home and have less of physical exertion as I feel that if I have some more of it, Ira may come out sooner that expected. I can not let this happen just yet since I think I really still need 1 more week at work, to wrap up interviews and close out the mid year discussions among many other things.

We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and then we will know if I am dilated or not. I hope to really have a normal delivery, not only because of the differences in costs but also convenience. I had an operation last year and I rather not go through the helpless days any longer a few days after the operation. I am pretty sure the feeling will be the same if I deliver via CS. Oh well, I guess, we will go with what is best. I have been praying for help for the success of a normal childbirth but if it doesn't work, so be it.

A friend sent me a text message asking if I am ready, that question I guess will forever be one of the most difficult introspective question to answer. So am I ready? I said no, not yet. She said knowing me.. I am ready to be a mother. Is someone ever ready for motherhood? Right now I say I am not, as I do not trust myself yet, this is a territory still unknown, so I do not know my capacity. Am I looking forward to it?? Absolutely! Despite the many changes that I know it will bring, I know that all of it will make life more meaningful with the baby on the ride with us. Looking forward to what is coming soon!!